When I got my MP3 player, I did 2 things.  First, I ripped my favorite CD’s.  About 20 of the 200 I have.  Then I got a subscription to Napster, which, if you pay a monthly fee ($14.95) you can essentially RENT, not own, your music.  But, as long as you pay, you can get as many songs for as long as you like.

So, now I have over 18 gigs of music and other random things…And, I’ve realized that 1) I don’t really want to pay the monthly fee for Napster anymore, and 2) I really want to OWN my music anyway.  I mean, ITunes doesn’t even let you OWN the music…you are still very limited with what you can do with it.

In order to reconcile these thoughts a little bit, I’ve decided to go through ALL my CD’s and rip them.  When I’m done, I will go through and delete my Napster songs and cancel my subscription (sigh).  I’m just at the point where I feel like I want ownership of my music.  And I also think I’m listening to alot more Indie music now anyway, and, quite honestly, I think they get gipped sometimes because people only buy their singles, not their CD’s.  But that’s a whole other soap box.

All that being said, I’m now ripping all my CD’s and I’m thinking to myself… “What the hell was I thinking buying that CD.”  I haven’t even seen these albums in over 3 years.  Let alone listened to them.  My CD Case just kind of got pushed aside when the MP3 player rolled on scene.  Things like, Eminem, Kid Rock, DMX…things I used to listen to all the time…and now I can’t imagine ever really enjoying them again.  As I give each CD a brief run through, I realize that there are still a few songs I might listen to again.  And I’ve spent a ton of money on CD’s (over 200 X 10 bucks a CD = $2000 ; and most CD’s were more than 10).  I just have a hard time throwing them out, or giving them away.  So here I am, just ripping them onto my computer. 

I remember how I felt when I was listening to that stuff.  I remember what was going on in my life when I bought them.  I remember how angry I was.  How unhappy I was. 

Most of all, I remember how that music just seemed to fuel it.  It made me more angry.  Made me want to go get in a fight.  Or drive at ludicrous (oh…Ludichris, that’s another CD I have) speed…not on the interstate, but on swervy back roads.  When I think about it, it’s amazing how angry I was.  I felt like the guy on Grand Theft Auto…just pissed off at the world and ready to blow someone’s head off.

Not good. 

I think someday I will want to listen to some of this again.  But that’s a bit scary.  There was a time in my life when people spewing bad language used to really make me uncomfortable.  Then I started listening to this stuff…and it just desensitized it.  Made it normal to talk like that.  Made punching people ok.  I’m now to the point where it makes me uncomfortable again.

I guess, out of discipline…or maybe just temptation, I’m keeping these albums.  Maybe someday I’ll listen to them again, and not be so caught up in what they are saying.  Maybe someday I won’t let it affect me as much.

But, if media is going to be that way, affect me that way, I’d much rather put words of Praise on my lips rather than words of hate. 

I just got a phone call from a friend of mine, and as I explain this to her, she says, I think it’s good you aren’t throwing them out.  Someday you may throw them out, but today, you just need to own the fact that you were angry.

So, as I clean out the closet here, I guess that’s where I’m at.  Owning being angry, not denying that I was, but accepting it.  And knowing that life is better when I’m not.

Incidently, if Michael (my brother) ever reads this, he’ll probably laugh.  Aabout 10 years ago I did throw out a bunch of CD’s.  All these CD’s that I thought weren’t “Christian”.  Billy Joel, Garth Brooks, Disney…all those things were gone.  When all was said and done I had about 3 CD’s.  I think my brother  saved most of them for me though, knowing that at some point I would realize that there was good, decent, music that wasn’t labelled as “Christian”.  Somehow, I can’t really remember how, they did end up back in my CD case.  Again, I think my brother rescued them. 

Nice to have someone looking out for your tunes.

Peace.